Thoughtcrime

I feel like going away to a brand new city, maybe a whole new country and meeting a brand new set of people.Family and my 2 best friends run away with me, of course.


I feel like doing something productive and useful and important. I'm tired of lazing around.


I like 'elaichi tea' and green tea with lemon, more than coffee now.


I feel like finishing Anna Karenina. 


I feel like trashing noisy polythene packets for paper bags.


I feel like screaming at 95% of the people I see for being so mechanical and always looking for a leader to give directions.


I wish the BBA programme had as much practical interface with industry as I wished.


I wish I knew more than 8 girls who aren't superficial bimbos and more than 10 guys who aren't slackers.


Oops, the above make me sound like a nerd. A pedant. A hippie. A snob. A pretentious buffoon. Uncool, maybe.

In the society I'm in, saying all this out loud is like a crime.You say anything like this and you are immediately categorized into one of the above slots.
 No one really wants to 'think', no one really wants to 'change'. They are comfortable in the predictable and the familiar. They are comfortable living the stereotype.

Oh, Thought Police, I surrender. 
Punish me for thinking. Really. Coz I would much rather think all this aloud than not think at all.


 "Thoughtcrime does not entail death: thoughtcrime is death."
-Winston Smith in 1984, by George Orwell

A Letter to My Future Self

Dear Nitisha,

Today is Friday, 27th August 2010.

It's a pretty normal day, really. It's barely even started. College starts at 1.15 p.m. today, so I slept late last night and woke up late too. Yes, that's a big deal right now coz I barely get to stay snuggled in till 9.30!
The paper today says some interesting things.
( I read Times of India right now, but please, "future me", I hope you've migrated to Hindustan Times. It's for the greater good.)

Yeah, it says that Virender Sehwag's ODI mojo is back. All I kept thinking was that Virender Sehwag would probably not even understand the headline, if he were reading it.
Also, Aashayein released today. (Yeah, it releases today and even I don't have a clue about the star-cast so don't worry, it's no onset of Alzheimer if you don't recollect it. Oh wait, my one-time crush John Abraham is in it, but he is SO passe` now!)

Enough small talk.
I have only 3 super-important questions to ask you.

-Is U2 still together? And Sigur Ros? Have you finally seen them in concert?
-Did the world actually end in 2012 and are you the only one left alive, like Will Smith in I am Legend?
-Do you still blog?

(Five questions, I know. Don't catch me on a technicality now.)

And I have one semi-important question to ask you.
Do you still write?
I don't know how many years later you'll actually read this, but sitting here, right now, I know I enjoy writing. About anything.
 I'm midway through an Economics project for my midterms, and I actually had fun analyzing and writing down the findings from histograms and pie-charts.
You're cringing and saying, "I was such a nerd", right?

But writing has always been different.
Ever since you were ten and dreamed of sitting in that plush office, with a view of the skyline, you enjoyed reading literature, learning new words and using them, didn't you?
Writing was always a constant. Putting down thoughts on paper, in a somewhat coherent manner, made you feel alive. Proactive. Productive. It made life easy, it made it interesting. Your writing was always there.
That's why I'd like to know whether you write anymore. Or have you just turned into one of those bitchy career women?

I wonder what you're upto right now. At work? Unemployed? On vacation in the Caribbean?

Let's see. Is there anything I'd like to tell you right now?

Yeah, I have one piece of advice to give you. Keep thinking big. You never thought you'd have the courage to start a blog. You never thought it would cross the 10 follower mark. I'm three months into the blogosphere, and I have 28 followers. You never thought you would find Night by Elie Wiesel. You found the only tired, bruised copy in a tiny corner of Landmark. You never thought you would get 95 in your XIIth Accounts Board exams. You did.
Work hard and act on your passion. Right now, writing is mine. It feels absolutely great, and if you can do it for the rest of your life, don't let anything stop you.
Don't say 'Easy for you to say, I have a crippling work schedule', now. No excuses shall be entertained.

By the way, have you started believing in God?
And do people still write "LOL"?

So Nitisha, are you doing something important with your life yet?
At 5'2", what are your views?

Love,
Me.

P.S. Did Sana finally grow her hair? :)

Respect

"I simply state that I'm a product of a versatile mind in a restless generation — with every reason to throw my mind and pen in with the radicals. Even if, deep in my heart, I thought we were all blind atoms in a world as limited as a stroke of a pendulum, I and my sort would struggle against tradition; try, at least, to displace old cants with new ones. I've thought I was right about life at various times, but faith is difficult."
- F. Scott Fitzgerald


I like the people I meet in general. 
Most in my friend circle are fun-loving with a thin streak of sarcasm, a passion for breaking stereotypes and a flair for drama. 
That's basically what you will figure out within ten minutes of speaking to me too.


And then I think.
There are only SO many people you can genuinely 'like'.
There are people you only claim to like to keep up appearances, and people you like only for the first twenty minutes of conversation.
I like a lot of people, genuinely or otherwise.


It's been a long time I met a person I can not just like, but respect. 
For their scope of thought or abundant talent.


Does this make me a sound like a pretentious snob? Sure.
But I'm just being honest.
I feel like meeting Murakami. Or Whitman. Or someone who can just blow me away.
Anything to get respite from the drudgery and routine of timetables and economics.


Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?
Confucius

To be or not to be.

The French author François de la Rochefoucauld wrote, "We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves."

This is the guy who came up with 500 reflections on human behaviour. You'd think more people would listen to what he had to say, and take him seriously!

As someone who is 17, not a kiddie, not really an adult, no one knows better what it means to live such a schizophrenic life. 

With your friends you're one person, with your parents another, with your sister you turn into a crazy monkey and at a book-club meeting the sober intellectual with spectacles falling off your nose.

So, what does it mean to be yourself? To be consistent in your behaviour and body language?

I don't see it that way, but most do.

To me, being yourself is being consistent in your basic ideologies and thought processes at all times. 

For example, do you believe in the necessity of violence? No, you say? If that's your answer in any given situation, you're being yourself. On the other hand, if you decide to tell your parents, "No, no, I hate war. Violence only provides temporary relief from hopelessness, and can never be a permanent answer," and tell your friends "War, from time to time refreshes the tree of liberty with the blood of tyrants and of patriots. War gives otherwise broken down old men something important to reminisce on. War is good."

.... That is being a little spineless and hypocritical in my books. 

What are your real opinions? (Do you even have any? :P)

I don't see how your behaviour with every single person in your life has much to do with "being yourself". 

You relate to every single person in a different manner, don't you? You can't possibly treat every single person in your life as cattle trains. Laugh at every joke every person in your life cracks, scream at one as mindlessly as you can at the other. They're all different, they all deserve a relatively unique place in your life. 

So, it's okay to be one person with your friend, and another with your parents.

That's what I believe to be correct. Theoretically, at least, it sounds okay to me.

The question is.

Does that not make you a little schizophrenic in the end? A little confused about who you really are? A tiny bit disillusioned with people, expectations, morality?

When and how do we come to terms with who we really are at the core?

Nietzsche wrote, "The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe."

Un-savant.

Okay, the most amazing thing just happened!

I was randomly clicking on "Next Blog" every 2 minutes, in search of a an interesting read. My eyes first roved around a blog written in Spanish, (Nexxxxxxxt!) then one on Vietnamese handicrafts (Nexxxxxxxt! You can only admire wooden elephants for so long!) and then.....

I landed on Daniel Tammet's blog! Now the blog kinda irritated me. It was one of those My-article-got-published-in-the-papers and I-am-famous-know-my-every-move blogs.
On any other occasion, I would have clicked on "Next Blog" in an instant.

But the name seemed vaguely familiar, I remember some teacher saying the name with reference to something in some class some years ago.
Yes, that vague! :P
So, I just decided to Google him.
Daniel Tammet.
186,000 results in 0.22 seconds.

He's 31. He writes. He draws. He talks. He eats.
But he also happens to be what they call a "high functioning autistic savant".
Yeah, I'm not sure what it means as well. And I'm not really buying the idea of the savant- syndrome anyway.
 "Savant Syndrome refers to what are called Islands of Ability, but are usually exceptional skills which seem to come out of nowhere with no previous learning or experience. Savant skills can cover everything from exceptional memorisation skills, to outstanding mathematical skills, calendar calculation, astounding special skills, unaccountable ability to acquire foreign languages, exceptional artistic or musical abilities and, some people have added, exceptional sensing abilities."

Okay, back to this guy.
He sees numbers as shapes and colours. For example, he thinks 333 is very attractive and 25 a party going number and pi is beautiful. (Wtf. :/)

He has recited 22,514 digits of pi in five hours. I don't know what comes after 3.14.
He speaks ten languages, and is developing a new language Mänti.
He is a bestselling author.

In the Oscar winning film American Beauty, young Angela Hayes declares, "I don't think there's anything worse than being ordinary."
Normally, I wouldn't agree 100%. I could think of worse things. Like being stranded in the middle of an ocean etcetera etcetera.
And then I read about guys like him.
And wonder why wasn't I one of the 0.0001% of the population with Savant syndrome!
Un-savant these geniuses, or savant-ify me!!!

The Collegiate.

Since I am not a graduate, and it's only my first day at NMIMS, I title this post "The Collegiate". Movie buffs, take a wild guess what I really could have called it instead! :P

Entering the portals of the college you've (somewhat) aspired getting into, trudging up the six floors with crazy anticipation concealed under the garb of  utter aloofness, being ragged FOUR TIMES by seniors (Why why why did they keep picking on me? This is a conspiracy against the short, I tell you. :D ), cold coffee for just ten bucks and politely smiling at people you've never met before and will invariably be (stuck?) with for the next 3 years...Aaah, what a day and a half! :)

Yesterday was our orientation ceremony. The dean and his entourage gave us the standard this-is-a-professional-college-make-the-most-of-it-or-die-trying speech, scaring the living daylights out of some, and slightly unnerving the others. Then certain well spoken second and third year students encouraged us to join student clubs by inspiring speeches, presentations and the like.
The funny part is this.
The very seniors who were dressed in crisp shirts and ties yesterday and were inspiring us to join this club and that, were the ones who blatantly entered our classes today saying, "Oye, you have to belly dance for us". :P

Going off on a tangent, my Financial Accounting teacher, or professor, or whatever I'm supposed to call her now, showed us this presentation where the educational backgrounds of Mukesh Ambani to Ratan Tata to K.V.Kamath were shown.
The bottomline- They all came from a science background but turned out to be mavericks in the field of finance.
The punchline(and I quote)- "Science students have no excuses." :D

God(the one I don't believe in but use often as a literary device to denote exasperation or irritation), I hope college is as interesting and stimulating as people say.
But there are people who say that the Holocaust never happened and that maths is their favourite subject, so I don't really believe people too, come to think of it. But I just hope I have a good time. I'm keeping my expectations suitably low, coz I fear that they might be dashed away in the weeks to come! You know what Edward Koch once said," The fireworks begin today.  Each diploma is a lighted match.  Each one of you is a fuse." I don't want to be a slacker or someone who is the same person 3 years hence, from where I start today. I hope the college experience is a journey of evolution and discovery, as much as one of mid-terms and examinations.

P.S. Being sensitive to my gravity and relying on the renowned female intuition,the three clubs I seem interested in right now are the entrepreneurship cell, literary and marketing. There's also this club called SRF or Social Responsibility Forum, but I would much rather do some social work by myself than do it as forcedly as a college activity.


"It is clear the future holds great opportunities.  It also holds pitfalls.  The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock".  
~Woody Allen, "My Speech to the Graduates," Side Effects, 1980

To You.

My blog has crossed the 20-follower mark. In just a little over 2 months.
I'm happy.
Really happy. :)

Here are a few things you should know about me.
Haha, come to think of it, why should you? Why should you be reading this post at all? You could be struck down by lightning in the next few seconds, but you're here. And so you deserve to know a little about the person who writes this blog.

My parents have given me a great life, in every which way. I'm not riddled with any anxieties or insecurities. Basically, I'm a happy person.

I don't know how I feel about the death penalty. I consider it cruel, inhuman and degrading most times.Then a Kasab or a Saddam Hussein comes along, and I feel they're getting what they deserve. So, I don't have a stock answer on that one.

I highly doubt the existence of God or a superior being. And I have mixed feelings about religion.
I'm happy that both of the aforementioned work for some. Most, rather.
I know I can't live my life with the illusion of someone making sure my future is all right. I'm a believer of the randomness of life. I try to be a good person. That's my yardstick, not a threat that I'll go to hell.

I have this silly fear of speaking in public. Maybe I'll write about that in a future post.

It is difficult for me to answer the introspective classic, "Who am I?". I hate saying I'm trying to find myself; that would imply that my identity had been lost along the way.
Another reason why I love writing so much. It helps me uncover more about myself. Every time I write honestly, I know I have put in one more piece of my identity jigsaw puzzle right.

I believe in trying to elevate my life to fall in line with standards that are my own, not those made by others.

I am not a Barbie Doll. I don't aim to have a size-zero figure and spend all my free time thinking, "Should I buy those great stilettos?" or "Oooh, that handbag will look so great with that dress."

Reading literature has expanded my world, and opened my mind to myriad cultures. Books have made me what I am, in ways even I'm not sure.

There, now you know a few random facts about me.
This is the person whose blog you read.

Thank you for accepting me for the person I am.
Love. :)

Anicca.

I'm a big fan of The Beatles, but no, I don't "long for yesterday".
I'm a big fan of Barack Obama, and yes, I long for change.

I'm waiting for college to begin. Something new. Fresh. Exciting.
Yes, I'm sure the novelty will wear off in a month. Still.
It's better than just killing time at home.

I remember making all these plans last year, while I was trying madly to understand Calculus and never did.
I will go here with my friends after my Board exams, I will go there, I will go everywhere.
When was the last time we all met as a group?
At a not-so-interesting birthday party.
We've all sort of lost touch with what's happening in each other's lives. Yes, the occasional "What's up?" message is sent and duly replied to, but that's barely a shadow of what our crazy high-school years were. Did I not make the right friends? Did I not make the requisite effort that goes into maintaining a friendship? Didn't they? Did I change? Did they?

Makes me wonder on the finiteness and impermanence of everything. Be it the quantity of food on your plate, friendships, or even life.
I'm not religious or spiritual myself, but I like what the Buddhists say about impermanence. They call the concept Anicca, which says that "impermanence is an undeniable and inescapable fact of human existence from which nothing that belongs to the earth is ever free."

I've studied Biology till tenth grade. I know enough about cell division to know that it takes place continuously in our bodies. Old cells die, new are born.
Seeds turn into plants, plants turn into trees.
Water turns to vapour.
Science is on my side too(for once!). Of course, change is inevitable.
It would be a lie to say that you love or hate something in exactly the same way, for exactly the same reasons, all your life.

I enjoy the finiteness of things.
It leaves the possibility for something new.

P.S.The only realm where I cherish infinite-ness, is when experts debate about the origin of the universe. Knowing that it really is infinite, would be kinda cool. :)



"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"
-Homer Simpson. 
:D

10 things I love.

1.Mentally stimulating conversation, peppered with wit and humour.

2.Those 2 year old jeans I refuse to give up coz they fit so right. Levis rules! :)

3.Hershey's Dark Chocolate.
  Lindt dark chocolate is a close runner up, along with Bournville.

4.Twinings' Green tea with lemon. I love the delicate taste of it. And it has all these antioxidants which will keep me looking young. I'm 17, so of course I'm worried about wrinkles. :D

5. Black and white photographs. I'm just fascinated by black and white anything, photographs, paintings, album covers, zebras, you name it!

6. I absolutely love nice inscriptions on the first pages of a book. Inscriptions are always a nice gesture.:)

7. I watched the Woody Allen classic, Annie Hall today and fell in love with it, head over heels. La-dee-dah!
"Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes I have to invent, of course I - I do, don't you think I do?"

8. The prospect of the world ending in 2012. Haha, really. Be it coz of some defect in the CERN particle accelerator, the Chinese Book of Changes predictions coming true or the Yellowstone volcano blowing up. That gives me just one and a half more years of life. To laugh or not to laugh at the minuscule possibilities of the above. :P

9.A mug of freshly brewed, properly ground and properly brewed coffee and I have attained nirvana.

10. A book that doesn't lose its way. That keeps me hooked beginning, middle and end. A book that doesn't make me want to keep it down, even for a second. A book that makes me ignore my mom's tenth call to eat dinner. That kinda book.

Let it rain.

"...These are the seasons of emotion and like the winds they rise and fall
This is the wonder of devotion - I see the torch we all must hold.
This is the mystery of the quotient - Upon us all a little rain must fall."

These are the lyrics to The Rain Song, one of my favourites by Led Zeppelin.
Also, this is my favourite "I'm too old for *Rain, rain go away, Come back another day*"  song. :P

Why do I love it? I don't know. I just always have.

Rain is an enigma, a symphony, a powerful force, a lifegiver.

I love how rain can almost always prove you wrong. You may be angry or frustrated and you angrily walk out into the rain, hoping for some sort of understanding,denial or absolution. Like the gray clouds and the tiny puddles will give you answers. But before that earth-shattering moment occurs, you are drenched. Completely. Not just by the droplets, but by the smell of rain, and what it does to the environment around you. The rain commands your attention. It's just you and the rain now. No, you don't want to attain nirvana, like you first thought in your fit of chagrin. All you want is to roll around in the mud. You want to stomp around in puddles like noone's watching. You want to love, laugh, live. (Those last three words are copied off my red Converse chappals!).

You can crib about the traffic jams and the floods all you want. I do, too. 

But you just cannot deny the beauty of this weather. Raindrops falling elegantly on the black asphalt of your potholed road. The exquisite smell of wet mud. The long walk with no umbrella over your head. The element of surprise as it suddenly stops. The glimpse of a rainbow.

I just had great masala tea with raindrops falling intermittently on my shoulder. Hence, this whole "I love the rains" rant, in case you were wondering. :P

Do I idealize the rains? Call it a genetic defect, that I love. :)

"Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby."
-Langston Hughes

Prejudice.

The meaning of "Prejudice" in Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary.

"Pronunciation: \ˈpre-jə-dəs\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin praejudicium previous judgment, damage, from prae- + judicium judgment

Date: 13th century

2 a (1) :preconceived judgment or opinion (2) : an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge b : an instance of such judgment or opinion c : an irrational attitude of hostility directed against an individual, a group, a race, or their supposed characteristics"

The first time I encountered the word was, with great enthusiasm, in the Jane Austen classic.
And it is a word I don't like associated with my general outlook on life. Purely because it categories my beliefs and interests, and stunts my already-challenged growth. Ian Smith is prejudiced, Theodore G. Bilbo is prejudiced. Not me. Calling me that automatically makes me narrow minded, short-sighted, ignorant, hypocritical, cynical and someone with an illiberal world view.

So I don't enjoy science fiction. Or action flicks. Or Bollywood comedies. Or game zones in shopping malls. Or tomatoes.
These aren't my predujices. These are my conscious choices. I understand how some people love all of the above, and will fight till they die on how it all makes perfect sense in their world.
I'm happy for them. More than happy. Not too many things in the world entertain, or make sense, anyway.
That doesn't mean the same things have to hold my attention span for that much time.

I'm not condescending by nature. Hardly even sarcastic.
And I am not too 'busy' with my prejudices to understand the brilliance of science fiction.
So, dont say that next time.

Quote-Hanger

 I never seem to tire of quotes, well written passages, notes, comments, wordplay and the like. Certain times, these words expose the vulnerability of humanity, their power, their love and their faith.And these are the words that I love the most.

Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest; make the most of what you have. It is later than you think. Horace(Ancient Roman poet :65 BC-8BC)

Don't tell me God works in mysterious ways. There's nothing so mysterious about it. He's not working at all. He's playing. That's the kind of god you people talk about - a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless, conceited, uncouth hayseed. How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena such as phlegm and tooth decay is His divine system of creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatalogical mind of his when he robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?
- Yossarian, in Catch 22.

We thought that we had the answers, it was the questions we had wrong.
Bono
I write to understand as much as to be understood.
Elie Wiesel

Open your eyes, Clevinger. It doesn't make a damned bit of difference who wins the war to someone who's dead.
Yossarian, in Catch 22.




We're the middle children of history. No purpose or place. We have no great war, no great depression. Our great war is a spiritual war, our great depression is our lives.
- Brad Pitt as 'Tyler Durden', Fight Club



If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person? - The Narrator, Fight Club
                        (^^Damn, I love that movie!)

Stupid as a man, say the women: cowardly as a woman, say the men. Stupidity in a woman is unwomanly.
Friedrich Nietzsche  
 

Duty is the sublimest word in our language. Do your duty in all things. You cannot do more. You should never wish to do less.
- Robert E. Lee

All truth is simple... is that not doubly a lie?
Friedrich Nietzsche


Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
- William Butler Yeats, 1899
Everybody wants to be somebody; nobody wants to grow.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Maya Angelou

Unpigeonholed.

While I cry over increased auto-fares here in Mumbai that will burn a huge hole through my pocket, and you cry over England losing the match yesterday, this is what we really should be crying about.

Look what I read today on this site, global issues.org.

"24,000 children die around the world everyday.
 
That is equivalent to:

• 1 child dying every 3.6 seconds
• 16-17 children dying every minute
• A 2010 Haiti earthquake occurring almost every 9-10 days
• A 2004 Asian Tsunami occurring almost every 10 days
• An Iraq-scale death toll every 16–40 days
• Just under 9 million children dying every year
• Some 79 million children dying between 2000 and 2007"

I wrote this here to remind myself that my terrible migraine is not the most unsmiling problem in the world. The world's biggest problems do not fall on my tiny shoulders. Actually, no problems fall on my tiny shoulders at all. So, I need to shut the hell up. And just smile and sneeze and read and take Vasograine at periodic intervals.
Soooo yes, this definitely served as a grim reminder. Mission accomplished.

Moving on. To happier things, of course. :)

Argentinaaaaaaaaa beat Mexico 3-1, fair and square. Now anyone following my blog knows what a huge Argentina buff I am, so you can understand how absolutely delighted I was when I saw this in the morning paper.
Obviously, I'm not such a big fan that I would stay up and watch till 2 a.m. :P

But Yaaaaaay, Argentina now moves to the quearter finals of FIFA 2010!!

And also, it's Pride Week in many parts of the world today.
 And I'm proud to say that India is actually waking up to the "Against Section 377" community. The very fact that Azaad Bazaar exists in this city, (a LGBT-aimed store in Bandra somewhere) is not a baby step, it's a giant leap for an extremely orthodox country like India.
My country is turning liberal. 10 years into the 2nd millennium.
Unbelievable, but true. :)

Also, for some reason the Hall and Oates classic "You make my dreams come true" is stuck in my head now.
I don't know one person who doesn't love that song!

P.S. I had left this blog Saturday afternoon with 8 followers and was greeted by 11 today.
I love you all. :)

Bye bye now. *Aachoo!*
(Yes, I have a cold too. Aaaachoooo!)

Memory Chaser.

It's strange, what memory keeps and ruefully discards.
For example, I don't remember the time the top of my head didn't even reach the desk, or the time when I was on my toes craning to reach the doorbell and falling short.
And a lot of childhood memories that I do have, are derived from snapshots taken back then. Moments frozen beautifully in an innocent time, when if I fell down I could cry and scream, without looking around to see if anyone noticed.When I could apply shoe-polish on my face like cold cream. When chocolate could sinfully drip down my chin and people would say "How cute!" instead of "What a slob!" When "Eenie meenie miney mo" was the way to go when asked if the reasons for the economic slowdown were excessive liquidity, cheap credit or institutional deficiencies.

My episodic memory, is primarily made up of photographs, or certain startling moments, be it happy or sad, of certain words spoken, looks and tones. However, entire years have been blocked out of memory, almost as if they never happened.
For example- The school where I studied in IIIrd grade, St.Mary's School,Pune. Now, I remember just one school-life incident there. The day after tiny little me shook hands and took the autograph of Mr.Amitabh Bachchan, my headmistress(a super-duper Big B fan) asked me to give her that autographed sheet and I flatly refused! And I faintly remember studying about Helen of Troy and having to make as many words as I could from "Constantinople"! But strangely, I don't remember a single teacher, or friend I made while I was there.
I write this because a few months ago a girl from my IIIrd grade classroom reconnected with me saying she was my best friend there, and I didn't have the slightest memory of her! :O

I first felt guilty, and of course, it was an extremely awkward situation to be in, for all parties involved. But after I passed that nascent stage of "denial", I was very fascinated by the entire episode. ("Acceptance" :P)
I realised that a moment can mean a thousand different things. Indelible impressions can be left on people and places(graffiti!). And I suddenly understood the innate depth of a memory.

Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened
~T.S. Eliot
I know I can't stop time. I can't capture light.
But I know I would love to delve deeper into my treasure chest of memories. In search of answers, however profound or silly.
Yes, I am staring at an abyss. Now will the abyss please stare back at me, Nietzsche?

Out of the Lexicon!

I've been thinking about this for the past few weeks now, and have FINALLY compiled a list of some of the most overused, and irritating words and phrases in the contemporary world of the oh-so-great English language. Move over cliches and redundancy. THIS is what gets on my nerves.

1. Just sayin'.
People think saying this at the end of a sentence cushions the blow. Like, "Your wife really has put on a lot of weight, and she is so rude to me whenever we meet. I hate her. Just sayin' "
Here's some news. It cushions no blows and punches.

2.My bad
That is supposedly a cool way of saying "my mistake". There are 2 ways you can go about this. Apologize like you mean it, or just keep quiet. Don't spill hot coffee on me and then say "My bad".

3.Uuuuuum\Hmmmm
 Right. Ummm, do I really need to explain this one? Hmmm?


4.Totally!
 We should "totally" meet up? Nah, I don't think so. And I read this online somewhere a few days ago. The impossible has happened. Totally has now been abbreviated to the much more annoying "totes"!!
Want to kill yourself? *totally* :(


5.LOL
Who're you kidding? You aren't laughing out loud! Hell, you aren't even smiling. Or thinking of smiling. In fact you might want to poke a pencil in the eyes of the person who said that joke, while you type LOL. Or Lolzzz. Or LOLCats. A simple "Haha" or "Now that made me laugh" will suffice. Take my word for it.

6.No offense..
You can bet that something very offensive is going to follow. There's also, "Don't take this the wrong way.." which is almost always followed by something insulting, but of course you aren't allowed to take it personally ;  you had been warned.

7. Oh no, YOU DIDN'T/ Talk to the hand
 Very very very few people can carry off "Talk to the hand" and even then, barely. There's this sassy head movement that always accompanies it, like in the movies. And no, you can't do it.
 No, no, you only think you can. But you can't.

8.Chillax 
 I cringe as I even write this word. I think now, I need to chillax.

9.Whatever
  This can mean a one of two things. It can show indifference, "I just won the lottery" "Yeah,whatever", or that you've lost an argument and can now feign indifference, "You just lost thirty bucks. You're so stupid!." "Whatever, man." Whatever is probably one of the most overused/downright stupid words/phrases I've heard. Yeah, whatever.

10.FTW
"Coffee" "Tea,dude!" "Coffee, FTW (for the win)"
Not so much, really.


Despite what you see above, I am no wordgriper or phrase disparager! I have made the above list by noting my somewhat irrational dislike to how often these words are repeated, often unnecessarily. There's nothing so much wrong with these condemned items ; they're just worn out from over-use.
 

P.S. Also on the list- Kthxbai, "like" when used instead of a comma, don't go there, it's my life.

P.P.S. I'm guilty of using "No offense", "Just sayin;" and "My bad". :P

MakeoveR!

Yay, a new design will be approved by our government today for the Indian Rupee.No more of writing Re. or Rs. before every Indian currency denomination. Today, we join the elite club of the US Dollar, British Pound Sterling, Euro and Japanese Yen that have a clear distinguishing identity. Cool, right? :)
 These are the 5 finalists. I didn't even know there had been such a contest going on! Apparently, it's been on since March last year! :0

 My vote is No.3, just for the visual appeal of it! I don't see how any of them represent the "historical and cultural ethos of the country", anyway.
My bets are on No.3. Let's see how I fare. :P

Btw, it was Messi's birthday yesterday! Messssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!! Maradona Hand of God's very own protege! Prediction No.2 for the day. Argentina will win the finals!
Here, watch a video of Baby Messi doing what he does best.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS6nS8W0bOU&feature=player_embedded

P.S. Feeling a little blah-ish today, healthwise.

Later.

To A Cynic.

A perfunctory hello. Or hi. Or namaste.
Are you dissatisfied with my greeting already? You're the cynic, you tell me.

You seem to revel in your state of cynicism, a remarkably distasteful quality in my eyes. I would like to know why, so I can understand you better.

My idealistic understanding of why you are a cynic is this. That your expectations from life, society and people are altogether too high, and reality terribly disappoints you. You have, for reasons ranging from dissatisfaction to being chic, thrown away the rose-tinted glasses with which you viewed existence.
Or is it your attempt to fit in, or stand out, by imitating contemporary sitcom-inspired sarcasm?
A Denny Crane amidst us Danny Tanners? If I were a cynic, which I'm most grateful I'm not, I would only smirk at the glibness of the sardonic antics I see on television.

Does cynicism provide short-term comic relief? Sure.
Who doesn't enjoy bitching, groaning, sniping once in a while?
But ultimately, it promotes the ideology that to crib and to be a slacker is just fine. "We're dissatified with the way things are, and we'll scream about it from our very comfortable leather sofas without moving a finger to drive change," seems to be your motto.You are brimming with blame for just about everything, pointing fingers shamelessly without once taking a look at the coward you yourself are. Yes, you hate hypocrisy, yes, you resist convenient lifestyle adjustments because that would make you a neither-here-nor-there realist, but don't you feel the need to be proactive too? Of course, you think and you watch and you scare the hell out of politicians, but don't you think you should act on your beliefs?

Now here is my cynical understanding of why you might be a cynic.
Because you are just not able to live up to the standards set in society. You may not wear the appropriate clothes, so you feel society is prejudiced against free will. You may not get the highest grades, so there must definitely be something wrong with the education system. You may lose at a game of chess, and then deem it an unfair play.
If this is why you are a cynic, I have two words for you. Buck up.
Because like it or not, this is the world where you need to live. You don't like it, start work on a space mission to another planet that supports life.
But of course, you won't do that either. You're a cynic. Too much work.You're not passionate enough to actually act, and you have too much integrity to partake in the injustice of hard labour for a brain of your calibre.

"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Conan O'Brien, Final words, January 22, 2010

Goodbye.
You're glad this is over, aren't you? Typical. :P

Lessons Learned Backwards.

"Time it was, and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences
Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories; They're all that's left you"

 I miss school life all of a sudden. Some weird withdrawal syndrome on leaving or something. I miss the people (even those I hated and laughed about and didn't really know), I miss the teachers (okay, that is just a lie in the guise of sentiment) and I miss the stupid staircase I had to climb up 4 floors of every morning (the biggest lie of them all).

These last 2 years, I learned a lot about people and the rules that apply in friendship.

And this is what I've come out with, after my high school craziness.

>That succumbing to peer pressure is just not worth the hassle, short term, and definitely not long term. No, you don't need a tattoo because 3 others got one, you'll still live if you don't have high-top Converse shoes, and it's okay to not be able to afford a 90 bucks coffee every day.

>I realized that the friendships I am most secure about today are those that have endured distance, prolonged silences, insane fights and simple, but long-standing misunderstandings. Sometimes just a text-message, or an old insider joke is enough to dissolve all differences. But you should be ready to put in a lot of heart into each friendship. Every person counts. Specially, in that inner circle.

> There are people I am more than happy to have out of my system, now that school and all the associated drama is over. Me being me, I look for a happy ending to all stories, but I also know that it is statistically impossible for me to please every person. And vice versa. I've made my peace with this fact. I'm happy in my space, and wish them happiness in theirs. No more.

>I feel extremely lucky I've met people who can tell me I'm fat, judgmental, bitchy, a midget, stupid and childish. My best friends. :)

>First impressions, surprisingly are sometimes,the most accurate impressions. You may know someone for the longest time, yet never really know them. I learned the not-so-nice way that people can disappoint, irritate, provoke and disgust you to the point of no return. And that my first instinct on meeting them was "Stay Awaaaaaay!".

>Sometimes, it's okay not to listen to the "friendly" advice given to you. In fact, that goes for most times. Credit yourself with more brains, than to mindlessly give in to others' opinions of you.

>Stories aren't coins. Of course, there are more than two sides to every story. Every person's unique way of spinning it, with their own dramatization and exaggerations. That may make you cry when you're in the middle of it sitting confused, but will also make you laugh at your blindness later. Rumors and gossip are only fun for a little while, that too when they're aimed at someone else. You forget you're hurting someone with your acerbic laughter.

>I suddenly realized how genuinely happy I sometimes am, when people beat all odds and people's sky-high expectations from them. Other times, I'm just shocked out of my chair and wish "Goddamnit, if he/she could do it, why not me?" Just being honest. :P

>The measure of a person's intelligence is not by his/her percentage in their school examinations. It's a measure of their hard work, consistency and tenacity at best. Intelligence can't really be quantified. And definitely not in the Indian education system, a temple of rote-learning and who-cares-if-you-really-understand-just-go-get-the-high-marks school of teaching.

>Having muscles, or money, or word-power, does not give you the right to think you are better than the next person. It's high time to get off that high pedestal you think you deserve, and it's time we stop putting you on one.

>When in doubt if you'll make it through high school, take inspiration from the Hogwarts school song-

"Just do your best, we'll do the rest,
And learn until our brains all rot."

Bridges have been burned, pages have been turned.

Lessons have been learned. :)

When words don't spill.

Confession. I almost decided to stop writing today.
And I'm not sure why myself. Maybe it's just the scary lightning that got me into this mood.
This isn't writer's block (I'm not narcissistic enough to have that yet), it's plain simple insecurity.
I fear I'm not good enough at this, that I'm unable to get my message across to many.
I've been thinking of this for the past 2 hours now.

But it's 8 p.m. I've had enough sad thoughts for the day.
Time to defeat this inertia and see some of my words on my laptop screen. Time to convince my primal brain stem that all this negativity is me being teenager-typical melodramatic. Time to reassure myself that my brain isn't decomposing into tiny shreds of its former robust self. Time to believe I was a Renaissance humanist, or a poet from Atlantis in a previous life.
Time to convince myself that I am NOT a zombie from the twilight zone; that my writing does not put insomniacs to sleep!


I look up from my mundane passage and observe what's happening around. My sister is splashing around in puddles, my mom is watching the "News at 8" on some channel, dad's wondering why he supported Denmark and not Netherlands today. Noone else is consumed in this pathology they call writing. While everyone else is relaxing at the end of a busy Monday, I stare into an abyss.

ENOUGH!!!!
I need to get out of this yo-yo bullcrap. Yesterday!
I have ideas, good ideas, the words are in me, so come what may, I shall write. My sentences ARE more interesting than what I read on the label of Minute Maid Pulpy Orange Juice in front of me.
So, I'm just dipping my toe now, and jumping. Into the familiar world of filling words onto an empty page.
And guess what?
The water's fine. I don't really have a choice, do I?
I will continue to write in my little corner in cyberspace.:)

To A Stranger.

Hey there, stranger.
I'm calling you X, obviously to make your story more enigmatic.
I'd like to know your name, and know more about you. And I'll tell you why in a second.
But for now, hi. :)

You never get a second chance to make a first impression, is one of those things I've heard too often to count. I just realized that I always arrogantly believed my intuition about people based on how my first interaction with them. The quickness of that first smile, the accent, the clothes you wear etcetera etcetera.
A spur-of-the-moment judgment I make of you, marred by microsecond subconscious attempts to match you with others in my life.

You haven't ever spoken to me or met me, but I have seen you and heard you. You've made an impression on me. Your stance, your hairstyle, your look, your tone, your words have reminded me of someone who has behaved like a jerk with me. Yes, unfortunately, my first impression of any one person is always one of skepticism. And so, my first impression of you is that you,X, will be yet another jerk.

But, wait. First impressions aren't permanent, are they?
I'm thinking that just by making this on-the-spot judgment of you,based on my not-so-nice prior experiences, I'm the jerk here.
For all I know, you may be the nicest person in the world, and may turn out to be one of the most important people in my life. So I'm going to review my entire experience of you right now. I see now that there is room for doubt, and my first impression of you was just based on my preconceived notions and life experiences. But you deserve better than that. You deserve to be judged with an open happy mind, and I shall strive to see the best in you now onwards.
So, I've decided to take the time to understand you, rather than misunderstand you from the get-go.

I write all this, because I realised today that every friend of mine was once a stranger to me. And I love my friends, and am there for them, come what may.
And hey, if you turn out to be the jerk I originally thought you were, then lucky for you, I believe in second chances. Guess I'm just a silver-lining kind of girl.

That's why I want to know you.
If you don't want to talk to me right now, then talk when you want to. Coz I want to all about you.
Just tell me your name first. Calling you X is getting lame. :P
Bye, X. :)