The Choice.

My passport says I am a Hindu. I celebrate festivals like Holi and Diwali with great abandon.

Yet, my rational mind tells me I am an atheist.

People assume that the choice between religion and atheism is simple. God or no God. Religion or no religion. Traditions or no traditions. Pick one, and that's that.

I don't think it's that simple. It's an ideology to choose, a path of life to adhere to. And thus, probably, it never will be an easy wager. 

Now, considering that I do believe in God...

There are many hundreds of religions in existence today, thousands if we count the sub-sects of each. 

Take for example, Hinduism. It has four major devotional sects as well as six Vedantic schools of philosophy. All recognize the supreme spirit Brahman or an absolute God. The goal of all Hindus is to one day join with Brahman, and through a continuous cycle of re-birth(re-incarnation), which is based on the good and bad of your actions, and finally leads to the attainment of moksha or enlightenment. Hindu mythology is peppered with a variety of gods and goddesses, villains and devils and brilliantly amorphous supporting characters. 

All religions and gods have separate spiritual significance and value, and have different, sometimes contradicting value systems within themselves. Then come the disparate modes of worship, the varieties of sacrifice and the associated number of pilgrimages required under each.

Now someone please explain to me; who should I pray to? The differences between the Gods are not trivial. I may pray to a certain God, but may anger another even within the same religion, considering how vast Hinduism is. Incurring the wrath of one condemns me to burn  in hell, another makes me cinematically imagine 'fire and brimstones'. 

So pray tell me, given the differences between religions in general, how is it a safer bet to believe in God than not to? I'm as likely to anger God with my beliefs as an average atheist's lack of them. Unless I have some specific reliable evidence that my particular religion is the right one, I'm basically as screwed as the atheist who never believed in God anyway.

Idol worship is a HUGE deal in the country. I don't think I've ever been to a house that doesn't have at least one corner designated to worshipping God. Now, the more progressive religions say that God doesn't care if he is worshipped in the right, rather prescribed, manner. As long as it's heart-felt and honest, God is perfectly happy and will ensure you are the beneficiary of a happy afterlife. In fact, God heavily comes down upon insincere believers. (By extension, does that mean he appreciates sincere non-believers?)

Also, all major religions advocate one simple thing-to be good. That's all that God wants. That's the only way Santa will bring you presents. 

I ask: Why can't I just be good, without this sword of a terrible afterlife dangling over my head? After all, life experience does teach everyone the basics of right and wrong, and the difference between the two, however subjective. If I live my life to the best of my knowledge and understanding of right and wrong, isn't that enough? 

Frankly, I believe the concept of a superior being overlooking every action of around 7 billion people, the creator of all existence, the handler of 'mother' nature, who also happens to be in charge of seasons, wedding dates and my 'soul' after death; this so-called grand CEO of world affairs is just taking individualism over the line for my liking. It's just too much. The specific rituals, the rules about what to eat and what not to eat, the donations of money, the rejection of evolution, the abandoning of homosexuals, the gender inequality, the revolt against an inter-faith marriage, the attacks under the name of faith, the arbitrary restrictions- they're all too much for me. It's too well-drafted a story, and life doesn't work that way. I believe too much in liberty to believe and follow. I also tend to believe in hard facts over fantastical mythical figures. Thus, when I die, I know my body will be burned to ash(ironically in traditional Hindu fashion), and that's that. I will turn into smoldering grey ash. No afterlife. No heaven. No hell. No paradise. I'm perfectly okay with that.

And if God reads this post, and punishes me for being an honest, well-meaning, opinionated atheist, so be it.

As for the agnostics-

Belief, stripped down to its basics, can not be straddled by convenience. I am baffled by the notion of people believing in anything just in case it exists, whether or not it's actually true. God is not a contingent liability - you can't just decide to make him a footnote to your balance sheet. You can't make 'belief' a provision for a 'just in case' situation. If that is the case, you do not understand the meaning of the word. 

Which is why, to believe or not to believe, is a very tough choice.

And I choose not to believe in the institution.