6 things WAY more interesting than Indian television.

Some days are different. Some days are not.
Today, falls squarely into the second category.
You know the drill. Waking up at 9.30 a.m. and cribbing about being woken up too early, being a little late for a haircut appointment, sleeping, reading, SMS-ing, blog-surfing and then for lack of anything else left on the planet to do(except toilet-cleaning, of course), turning on the television.

Be it K-serials with villainous mothers-in-law plotting against their lamb-like daughters-in-law OR one of the ten million reality shows OR the music channels playing the same songs at periodic 30 minute intervals OR the sensationalist news channels, Indian television shows remind me instantly of that Roald Dahl poem (not-so-subtly) titled Television,
"IT ROTS THE SENSE IN THE HEAD!
IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!
IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND!"



So here are 6 things I've found waaaaaaaaaay better than daring to watch TV here.
Why *only* 6, you ask? My lucky number? My birthdate? One-third the number of the devil?
All of the above, if you ask me.

Soooo, here goes.

1.Print this on a t-shirt and wear it all the time.

2.Read the book Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, one of the wittiest serious novels I've read on one of the most perverse subjects EVER. Wait, does that make me a pervert or an unbiased reader? Please please please, the latter.

3. Buy an acre of land on the Moon. Or Mars, for men, Venus, for women, if you want to stick to gender stereotypes created by an over-rated book Yes, you can really have property in The Sea of Tranquility! Completely useless, but so awesome, right? :)

4.See if what's written in your daily horoscope actually matches what's happening in your life today. Here's what mine says.

"June 30, 2010

Someone this morning may take up more of your time than you had hoped. The needs of someone special are strongly focused in your chart. It will be a very social evening."

Yeah, moving on. :/

5. Figure out all by yourself who REALLY has the "poker face". Lady Gaga, the world-famous pop singer or Annie Duke, the best female poker player in the world. See for yourself.

 6.  Try figuring out what to get your best friend for his 18th birthday. 

Buy an electric guitar? Too broke.

Buy a rare band t-shirt? Still as broke.

Buy the band itself? Just too broke for that.

Right now, I have just enough money to buy this.

Aaaaah, pathetic.

Guess I'll just go back to watching C.I.D Classics now, "12 years of Glory" not to miss.

Later. :)

Eh, what's up, doc?

I turned on my television today and Cartoon Network was showing some ooooooooold Bugs Bunny rerun! Damn, I miss cartoons! And now all I see on that channel are silly Japanese anime characters jumping around with voices dubbed in Hindi. :O

 Here's a throwback to the good old days! A few quotes from my favourite and not-so-favourite-but-of-course-I-still-used-to-watch it (read Spongebob Squarepants) cartoons!
These just never get old, and some actually do talk sense!

-My, I'll bet you monsters lead innnnteresting lives. - Bugs Bunny

-Isn't this great Squidward? Its just the 3 of us. You, me, and this brick wall you built between us. - Spongebob Squarepants

-I bet you say that to all the wabbits. - Bugs Bunny



-Jinkies! - Velma from Scooby Doo

-I'm so cold, I can use my nose drippings as chopsticks. - Spongebob Squarepants

-This city needs to be destroyed!!! Or at least painted another color. - Squidward


-Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive. - Bugs Bunny

-Excuse me, sir, but you're sitting on my body, which is also my face. - Spongebob Squarepants

-If my friend Rocky was in this oven, do you think I would throw a lighted match in there?"

"Ahhhhh you might Rabbit, ya might."-Bugs Bunny

-I just thought of something even funnier than 24... 25! - Spongebob Squarepants

-Run Mr. Krabs! Run like you're not in a coma! - Spongebob Squarepants

         Aaaah, I wish I could add some more, but this looks so long already!

                             Sad face.

I'll settle for writing many more posts like this one! :)

And remember, 'mud' spelled backwards is 'dum'. - Bugs Bunny
:D

Unpigeonholed.

While I cry over increased auto-fares here in Mumbai that will burn a huge hole through my pocket, and you cry over England losing the match yesterday, this is what we really should be crying about.

Look what I read today on this site, global issues.org.

"24,000 children die around the world everyday.
 
That is equivalent to:

• 1 child dying every 3.6 seconds
• 16-17 children dying every minute
• A 2010 Haiti earthquake occurring almost every 9-10 days
• A 2004 Asian Tsunami occurring almost every 10 days
• An Iraq-scale death toll every 16–40 days
• Just under 9 million children dying every year
• Some 79 million children dying between 2000 and 2007"

I wrote this here to remind myself that my terrible migraine is not the most unsmiling problem in the world. The world's biggest problems do not fall on my tiny shoulders. Actually, no problems fall on my tiny shoulders at all. So, I need to shut the hell up. And just smile and sneeze and read and take Vasograine at periodic intervals.
Soooo yes, this definitely served as a grim reminder. Mission accomplished.

Moving on. To happier things, of course. :)

Argentinaaaaaaaaa beat Mexico 3-1, fair and square. Now anyone following my blog knows what a huge Argentina buff I am, so you can understand how absolutely delighted I was when I saw this in the morning paper.
Obviously, I'm not such a big fan that I would stay up and watch till 2 a.m. :P

But Yaaaaaay, Argentina now moves to the quearter finals of FIFA 2010!!

And also, it's Pride Week in many parts of the world today.
 And I'm proud to say that India is actually waking up to the "Against Section 377" community. The very fact that Azaad Bazaar exists in this city, (a LGBT-aimed store in Bandra somewhere) is not a baby step, it's a giant leap for an extremely orthodox country like India.
My country is turning liberal. 10 years into the 2nd millennium.
Unbelievable, but true. :)

Also, for some reason the Hall and Oates classic "You make my dreams come true" is stuck in my head now.
I don't know one person who doesn't love that song!

P.S. I had left this blog Saturday afternoon with 8 followers and was greeted by 11 today.
I love you all. :)

Bye bye now. *Aachoo!*
(Yes, I have a cold too. Aaaachoooo!)

By a 17 year old...

Warning by a 17 year old-
^^A moment of joy on the lips, an eternity of fat on the hips.
Who cares? I would kill to hog on some right now!

 Love from a 17 year old to R.E.M, who came up with these lyrics,
"Humming
All the way to Reno,
You've written your own directions
And whistled the rules of change."
This song has been in my head all morning! :)

Raised eyebrows of a 17 year old, on "feet shoes" that really made me cringe this morning!

A startled laugh by a 17 year old on seeing these Chow chow dogs painted to look like pandas!

 Thank you by a 17 year old, to the eight very cool people following my blog.
Have a great weekend! :)

Memory Chaser.

It's strange, what memory keeps and ruefully discards.
For example, I don't remember the time the top of my head didn't even reach the desk, or the time when I was on my toes craning to reach the doorbell and falling short.
And a lot of childhood memories that I do have, are derived from snapshots taken back then. Moments frozen beautifully in an innocent time, when if I fell down I could cry and scream, without looking around to see if anyone noticed.When I could apply shoe-polish on my face like cold cream. When chocolate could sinfully drip down my chin and people would say "How cute!" instead of "What a slob!" When "Eenie meenie miney mo" was the way to go when asked if the reasons for the economic slowdown were excessive liquidity, cheap credit or institutional deficiencies.

My episodic memory, is primarily made up of photographs, or certain startling moments, be it happy or sad, of certain words spoken, looks and tones. However, entire years have been blocked out of memory, almost as if they never happened.
For example- The school where I studied in IIIrd grade, St.Mary's School,Pune. Now, I remember just one school-life incident there. The day after tiny little me shook hands and took the autograph of Mr.Amitabh Bachchan, my headmistress(a super-duper Big B fan) asked me to give her that autographed sheet and I flatly refused! And I faintly remember studying about Helen of Troy and having to make as many words as I could from "Constantinople"! But strangely, I don't remember a single teacher, or friend I made while I was there.
I write this because a few months ago a girl from my IIIrd grade classroom reconnected with me saying she was my best friend there, and I didn't have the slightest memory of her! :O

I first felt guilty, and of course, it was an extremely awkward situation to be in, for all parties involved. But after I passed that nascent stage of "denial", I was very fascinated by the entire episode. ("Acceptance" :P)
I realised that a moment can mean a thousand different things. Indelible impressions can be left on people and places(graffiti!). And I suddenly understood the innate depth of a memory.

Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened
~T.S. Eliot
I know I can't stop time. I can't capture light.
But I know I would love to delve deeper into my treasure chest of memories. In search of answers, however profound or silly.
Yes, I am staring at an abyss. Now will the abyss please stare back at me, Nietzsche?

Out of the Lexicon!

I've been thinking about this for the past few weeks now, and have FINALLY compiled a list of some of the most overused, and irritating words and phrases in the contemporary world of the oh-so-great English language. Move over cliches and redundancy. THIS is what gets on my nerves.

1. Just sayin'.
People think saying this at the end of a sentence cushions the blow. Like, "Your wife really has put on a lot of weight, and she is so rude to me whenever we meet. I hate her. Just sayin' "
Here's some news. It cushions no blows and punches.

2.My bad
That is supposedly a cool way of saying "my mistake". There are 2 ways you can go about this. Apologize like you mean it, or just keep quiet. Don't spill hot coffee on me and then say "My bad".

3.Uuuuuum\Hmmmm
 Right. Ummm, do I really need to explain this one? Hmmm?


4.Totally!
 We should "totally" meet up? Nah, I don't think so. And I read this online somewhere a few days ago. The impossible has happened. Totally has now been abbreviated to the much more annoying "totes"!!
Want to kill yourself? *totally* :(


5.LOL
Who're you kidding? You aren't laughing out loud! Hell, you aren't even smiling. Or thinking of smiling. In fact you might want to poke a pencil in the eyes of the person who said that joke, while you type LOL. Or Lolzzz. Or LOLCats. A simple "Haha" or "Now that made me laugh" will suffice. Take my word for it.

6.No offense..
You can bet that something very offensive is going to follow. There's also, "Don't take this the wrong way.." which is almost always followed by something insulting, but of course you aren't allowed to take it personally ;  you had been warned.

7. Oh no, YOU DIDN'T/ Talk to the hand
 Very very very few people can carry off "Talk to the hand" and even then, barely. There's this sassy head movement that always accompanies it, like in the movies. And no, you can't do it.
 No, no, you only think you can. But you can't.

8.Chillax 
 I cringe as I even write this word. I think now, I need to chillax.

9.Whatever
  This can mean a one of two things. It can show indifference, "I just won the lottery" "Yeah,whatever", or that you've lost an argument and can now feign indifference, "You just lost thirty bucks. You're so stupid!." "Whatever, man." Whatever is probably one of the most overused/downright stupid words/phrases I've heard. Yeah, whatever.

10.FTW
"Coffee" "Tea,dude!" "Coffee, FTW (for the win)"
Not so much, really.


Despite what you see above, I am no wordgriper or phrase disparager! I have made the above list by noting my somewhat irrational dislike to how often these words are repeated, often unnecessarily. There's nothing so much wrong with these condemned items ; they're just worn out from over-use.
 

P.S. Also on the list- Kthxbai, "like" when used instead of a comma, don't go there, it's my life.

P.P.S. I'm guilty of using "No offense", "Just sayin;" and "My bad". :P

MakeoveR!

Yay, a new design will be approved by our government today for the Indian Rupee.No more of writing Re. or Rs. before every Indian currency denomination. Today, we join the elite club of the US Dollar, British Pound Sterling, Euro and Japanese Yen that have a clear distinguishing identity. Cool, right? :)
 These are the 5 finalists. I didn't even know there had been such a contest going on! Apparently, it's been on since March last year! :0

 My vote is No.3, just for the visual appeal of it! I don't see how any of them represent the "historical and cultural ethos of the country", anyway.
My bets are on No.3. Let's see how I fare. :P

Btw, it was Messi's birthday yesterday! Messssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!! Maradona Hand of God's very own protege! Prediction No.2 for the day. Argentina will win the finals!
Here, watch a video of Baby Messi doing what he does best.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS6nS8W0bOU&feature=player_embedded

P.S. Feeling a little blah-ish today, healthwise.

Later.

A Perfect Day. :)

Breakfast in the Cape of Good Hope, southwestern most spot of Africa. Warm currents from the Indian Ocean and cool Antarctic currents converge in this stunning spot whose happy name bestowed by John II from Portugal.
Rounding the cape suggested that a feasible sea route existed from Europe, around Africa, to India.

To comprehend the existence of 'moai' over lunch, which is what these Chilean statues on Easter Island are locally called.

 Maybe a quick trip to see these whirling dervishes in Turkey.

 Tea at Stonehenge, composed of several Neolithic monuments and burial mounds from 2500 B.C., in the small English county of Wiltshire.

A dream drive down Oregon's Highway 101 in this beautiful twilight!

A midnight horse ride past the famed ancient amphitheater Colosseum in Rome.

 

Home sweet home Mumbai!

Good Night. :)

To A Cynic.

A perfunctory hello. Or hi. Or namaste.
Are you dissatisfied with my greeting already? You're the cynic, you tell me.

You seem to revel in your state of cynicism, a remarkably distasteful quality in my eyes. I would like to know why, so I can understand you better.

My idealistic understanding of why you are a cynic is this. That your expectations from life, society and people are altogether too high, and reality terribly disappoints you. You have, for reasons ranging from dissatisfaction to being chic, thrown away the rose-tinted glasses with which you viewed existence.
Or is it your attempt to fit in, or stand out, by imitating contemporary sitcom-inspired sarcasm?
A Denny Crane amidst us Danny Tanners? If I were a cynic, which I'm most grateful I'm not, I would only smirk at the glibness of the sardonic antics I see on television.

Does cynicism provide short-term comic relief? Sure.
Who doesn't enjoy bitching, groaning, sniping once in a while?
But ultimately, it promotes the ideology that to crib and to be a slacker is just fine. "We're dissatified with the way things are, and we'll scream about it from our very comfortable leather sofas without moving a finger to drive change," seems to be your motto.You are brimming with blame for just about everything, pointing fingers shamelessly without once taking a look at the coward you yourself are. Yes, you hate hypocrisy, yes, you resist convenient lifestyle adjustments because that would make you a neither-here-nor-there realist, but don't you feel the need to be proactive too? Of course, you think and you watch and you scare the hell out of politicians, but don't you think you should act on your beliefs?

Now here is my cynical understanding of why you might be a cynic.
Because you are just not able to live up to the standards set in society. You may not wear the appropriate clothes, so you feel society is prejudiced against free will. You may not get the highest grades, so there must definitely be something wrong with the education system. You may lose at a game of chess, and then deem it an unfair play.
If this is why you are a cynic, I have two words for you. Buck up.
Because like it or not, this is the world where you need to live. You don't like it, start work on a space mission to another planet that supports life.
But of course, you won't do that either. You're a cynic. Too much work.You're not passionate enough to actually act, and you have too much integrity to partake in the injustice of hard labour for a brain of your calibre.

"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Conan O'Brien, Final words, January 22, 2010

Goodbye.
You're glad this is over, aren't you? Typical. :P

Lessons Learned Backwards.

"Time it was, and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences
Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories; They're all that's left you"

 I miss school life all of a sudden. Some weird withdrawal syndrome on leaving or something. I miss the people (even those I hated and laughed about and didn't really know), I miss the teachers (okay, that is just a lie in the guise of sentiment) and I miss the stupid staircase I had to climb up 4 floors of every morning (the biggest lie of them all).

These last 2 years, I learned a lot about people and the rules that apply in friendship.

And this is what I've come out with, after my high school craziness.

>That succumbing to peer pressure is just not worth the hassle, short term, and definitely not long term. No, you don't need a tattoo because 3 others got one, you'll still live if you don't have high-top Converse shoes, and it's okay to not be able to afford a 90 bucks coffee every day.

>I realized that the friendships I am most secure about today are those that have endured distance, prolonged silences, insane fights and simple, but long-standing misunderstandings. Sometimes just a text-message, or an old insider joke is enough to dissolve all differences. But you should be ready to put in a lot of heart into each friendship. Every person counts. Specially, in that inner circle.

> There are people I am more than happy to have out of my system, now that school and all the associated drama is over. Me being me, I look for a happy ending to all stories, but I also know that it is statistically impossible for me to please every person. And vice versa. I've made my peace with this fact. I'm happy in my space, and wish them happiness in theirs. No more.

>I feel extremely lucky I've met people who can tell me I'm fat, judgmental, bitchy, a midget, stupid and childish. My best friends. :)

>First impressions, surprisingly are sometimes,the most accurate impressions. You may know someone for the longest time, yet never really know them. I learned the not-so-nice way that people can disappoint, irritate, provoke and disgust you to the point of no return. And that my first instinct on meeting them was "Stay Awaaaaaay!".

>Sometimes, it's okay not to listen to the "friendly" advice given to you. In fact, that goes for most times. Credit yourself with more brains, than to mindlessly give in to others' opinions of you.

>Stories aren't coins. Of course, there are more than two sides to every story. Every person's unique way of spinning it, with their own dramatization and exaggerations. That may make you cry when you're in the middle of it sitting confused, but will also make you laugh at your blindness later. Rumors and gossip are only fun for a little while, that too when they're aimed at someone else. You forget you're hurting someone with your acerbic laughter.

>I suddenly realized how genuinely happy I sometimes am, when people beat all odds and people's sky-high expectations from them. Other times, I'm just shocked out of my chair and wish "Goddamnit, if he/she could do it, why not me?" Just being honest. :P

>The measure of a person's intelligence is not by his/her percentage in their school examinations. It's a measure of their hard work, consistency and tenacity at best. Intelligence can't really be quantified. And definitely not in the Indian education system, a temple of rote-learning and who-cares-if-you-really-understand-just-go-get-the-high-marks school of teaching.

>Having muscles, or money, or word-power, does not give you the right to think you are better than the next person. It's high time to get off that high pedestal you think you deserve, and it's time we stop putting you on one.

>When in doubt if you'll make it through high school, take inspiration from the Hogwarts school song-

"Just do your best, we'll do the rest,
And learn until our brains all rot."

Bridges have been burned, pages have been turned.

Lessons have been learned. :)