On Beauty

You are so beautiful, to me. :)

We live in a world of stereotypes, opinions, judgments and assumptions, which we may not have been party to creating but are influenced by, nonetheless. There is no denying that influential beauty stereotypes exist that fill the pages of fashion magazines and brim over in cinematic endeavors. A desire for perfection- the perfect skin, the perfect hair, the perfect nose... has crept into the mind of every girl.

Beauty beliefs start early in life, I think. When my parents gifted me a Barbie doll with a flowing pink gown and a plastic dress, she was my first definition on beauty. The definition has changed dramatically over the years; from a Bollywood actress to a Hollywood actress, from a pop singer to a woman in a corporate suit, from a friend to an aesthetic.


I was in the auto-rickshaw on my way back home from office the other day, battling the usual traffic and eunuchs at traffic signals. As I waited anxiously for the signal to turn green, I saw something. An image that has remained in my memory ever since. A poor old beggar woman was sitting on the pavement. She had deep wrinkles on her face, and the way her sari hung on her gave away her malnutrition.Ordinarily, I wouldn't have been moved by this sight, except probably, sparing a second ruminating on the neglected India. But, then I saw her extend her right hand in front of her and smile. I couldn't help but stare. It was only after a few seconds that I realized there was a broken fragment of a mirror in her hands. She adjusted a few strands of her hair, opened her eyes wide and smiled. 
And in that moment, she was the most beautiful woman I'd seen.


And I realized that beauty can never have a base value. It is such a fragile commodity, subjective by its very definition, that there is no generalized basis for what one may consider a thing of beauty. With Photoshop, touch-ups and cosmetic surgery being the talk of the day, this may come across as being a superficial argument. But it truly is a wake-up call to me, for every day I wake up feeling fat, zit-prone or having a static-propelled hairstyle, I think of her happily. :)


"Socrates called beauty a short-lived tyranny; Plato, a privilege of nature; Theophrastus, a silent cheat; Theocritus, a delightful prejudice; Carneades, a solitary kingdom; Aristotle, that it was better than all the letters of recommendation in the world; Homer, that it was a glorious gift of nature; and Ovid, that it was favor bestowed by the gods."
Francis Quarles

Ho Ho Ho!

              I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.
                                                                                       - Harlan Miller


Merry Christmas, everyone! And here's to an amazing new year. :)

Dwarfed...

...By the Beauty

Salar de Uyuni, Bolivia

(The world's largest salt flat, stretching over 12,000 square feet and is so clear that the water reflects the sky with mind-boggling clarity.)

...By the Courage

Indian soldiers after winning the Kargil War

...By The Emotion, "Saudade"

A Portuguese word, one of the most beautiful words in the world, refers to the feeling of longing for something or someone who is loved but is lost.

Wabi-Sabi

The beauty in impermanence. The exquisiteness in  imperfection and asymmetry. The allure of the authentic.

To embrace the scars as they come and the wounds time gives us.

To cherish frayed edges and look for beauty waiting to be discovered.

Bared to the essence, this is what the Japanese world view of "Wabi-Sabi" is.
And what a beautiful thought at that. The mere profundity it implies renders it virtually untranslatable. And that only adds to the enigma of the concept.

As another year draws to a close, I cannot help but reflect on the events,however fleeting, that have occurred and the memories,however trivial, that have been formed.
Certain events, people and conversations made me grow in terms of developing a educated world view and to develop an understanding of the unknown.
Certain events made me realize the flaws in my opinions, and the defects in my character. I am learning how to opine, without generalizing. And I am learning how to accept, without judging. I am learning how to lead, without dominating. I am learning how to laugh, without yearning.

One of the things I am most proud of this year is this blog. Yes, this blog has been an achievement in the sense that its very existence has forced me to sit in front of my laptop and write. If this hadn't existed, I probably wouldn't have been forced to think the things I did, and however trivial my thoughts were, I am unimaginably thankful that they occurred to me. And I am hugely thankful to the 45 people who found this space worth their  few minutes of Internet-happy time. :)

2010 has been a year of surprises.
A man made a million plans(and bucks) and succeeded at most of them, until his office was raided and he was asked to quit being chairman of the IPL.
A cricketer on the other side of the border may have married the love of his life, until it was discovered he was telephonically wedded already.
The best golfer in the world, a happily married man by the looks of it, would turn out to be a tiger outside the golf course as well.
An amazing trip to Europe may have been planned down to the last detail, but an unpronounceable natural disaster somewhere in Iceland may have thrown you off track.
The most respected and venerated journalists in the country would lose face when tapes of their lobbying for a corrupt telecom minister were made public.

Who would have thought?

The natural cycle of ups and downs, growth and decay, fast and slow have been witnessed in this year more apparently than ever before.
2010 truly, has been the year of wabi-sabi.

Snowflake in An Avalanche

At the very outset, my most sincere apologies to the four and a half people (including my sister's two friends) who truly missed my blog posts. And average apologies to the rest who missed my blog posts just because they had nothing better to do than be bemused by adolescent jargon. (You know I love you guys and completely suck at being nonchalant, right? :P)


(Okay, I have something to share with you, but I'll do it later because I have to behave modestly for the sake of propriety, but please remind me if I forget!)


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When I was 8, it was such a big word. I couldn't imagine ever being able to spell it correctly.
When I was 11, I was blissfully ignorant about it.
16 was when I found it fashionable to shirk it.
I'm turning 18 next month, and am already bogged down by it.
I’m talking about that 14-letter word that fills every newly inducted adult with a sense of excruciating dread – responsibility.




Ah, those simpler times when responsibility meant doing your homework fast enough so you could play "Hide and Seek" with the building friends. Oh, that period of carefree abandon when being irresponsible only meant forgetting your homework at home and inventing creative excuses to cover it up. Responsible was the person who got picked Class Monitor, or School Prefect.
Responsibility has arisen from its murky depths (or glorious ashes, as might be the case), to take on its arch nemesis- the hapless young adult. From something as simple as dealing with team members during projects and warming up food for your overworked father to making pertinent life choices.


You know when the enormity of this struck me? 
When I went to SBI the other day, to fill in a scary-looking form to open a bank account. To deposit my intern-happy stipend. It's not too much, but makes me glad nonetheless. It's my first salary. (Stipend, my boss corrects me for the umpteenth time!) 
When I went for Independence Rock the same evening, and saw a nuclear mushroom hovering above the venue. The ghastly migraine-triggering smell informed me, it was just a drug-produced smoke cloud. 
( I have decided to make an effort to not be judgmental about the latter. Drugs, alcohol and the like are their personal choices, and I have no business opining and meddling. My definition of correct isn't the same as theirs, as someone very wise told me recently.)


But anyway, it made me realize that "I've become a big girl". 
And I'm happy about that. A little terrified, but happy still. :)


Oh, and for my big news!


I stood first in the Story-Writing Competition held in college. (I have a cool new pen drive and discount vouchers to prove it!) Of the many topics, I chose to write as a serial killer who has to justify his actions to the reader. Twisted, and rather interesting. 
I wasn't too happy with the way I concluded my story, but who cares? I won! I beat the second-year scribblers  and third year pedants! :P


"No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible."
Voltaire

The Wannabe

A "wannabe" (slang for "want to be") is a person with an ambition to be someone or something that they are not. The term is mildly pejorative, intended to convey the foolish nature of the desire due to the incompetence of the "wannabe" to accomplish the goal.

There you go. The Wikipedia borrowed perfect introduction to my blog post. I bet my old English teachers would smirk at this.

Those guys who wear their jeans so low you can see their apple red Jockey underwear.

Those guys who flash the Yo/Peace/I think this means the metal sign symbol.

Those guys who show off their interest in music by rattling off all the genres and sub-genres of metal, with no idea what's the difference between death metal and progressive. The wannabe girl says "Oh, what's your favorite song, guy-I'm-so-impressed-with <3 <3?" And he says In The End, that Linkin Park song. The anthem of the wannabe.

Those guys who think saying "Kewl" is so cool.

Those guys who say "Ssup Bro" and think it rolls as smoothly off their tongue as a typical American teen. 

Those guys who think unbuttoning the top 3 buttons of their shirt makes them so much more attractive.

Those girls who think using the F-word five times in a sentence makes them a mama from the hood.

Those girls who buy that tight tight t-shirt without looking at their bulging t-t-tyres.

They don't understand something critical.

It's okay not to be American. And it's perfectly all right to prefer samosa to sushi. Faking your music or literature interests can only get you so far. 

Who are you trying to ape, anyway? Those bunch of morons in 90210? 

Seriously. Wake up, smell the coffee beans and get real.

You have one life. Don't live it like someone you are not.

P.S. I sound like a motivational speaker. :O

A Glitch In Reality I Want To Fix

I've been feeling slightly out of it lately.
Restless with the routine of everyday life.Every today is identical to a yesterday which is identical to a tomorrow. My big adventure of the day was trying out the new Chicken Salad sandwich at Cafe Coffee Day. (Yeah, I'm sticking to my Tropical Iceberg, please.)

Let's take for example, the subject of Psychology I've been learning in college. The lecturers are great, better than many we've had this year, their presentations are loaded with great examples, yet I feel slightly disconnected. While they promulgate the fact of every individual being unique, they delve in so many stereotypes and generalizations of behaviour.

No, I do not believe that girls imitate their mother's behaviour and guys imitate their father in the course of their own relationships. Simply because we are exposed to so many people and role models in life, who impact and influence our interactions.
No, I do not believe that guys wear only blue and girls wear only pink. And how come a guy wearing pink is a big deal and not a girl wearing blue?
No, I do not believe that a guy would choose not to marry a woman who earned more than him in this day and age. If he does, he is shallow and that cannot and should not be attributed to 'typical male behaviour' or some such nonsense. That only validates bullshit.
No, I do not believe that when money comes into the hands of women their first instinct is to splurge on themselves. For heaven's sake, 99% of clients of microfinance institutions the world over are women. ONLY because they are more responsible than men when it comes to managing finances. Research proves it. Take a look if you don't believe me.

You get why I'm not enjoying the subject, right?

But it's not just that that is eating away at me.
I look around and I see slackers. And I see people who are satisfied with what they see and the situation they are in. And I see people who don't know and even worse, don't care to know what's happening around them.
Maybe they've attained that tranquil state of nirvana. If they have, I'm happy for them.

I wonder sometimes, do I just have a profound misunderstanding of what reality is supposed to be.
Or maybe this is it, and I don't know how to fix it.
Shit, all of a sudden, I feel like tearing apart all those Ayn Rand books I have.

And I think to myself, what a wonderful world. 

Drudgery and Dimsum

There are multiple reasons for my AWOL-ness, but none substantial enough to find their way into honest writing (I can't really start with the rant of 'I needed space, okay! You just don't understand me' here, so forget it. The point is I am back. :P)

* The Routine of 'College at 8 a.m. - Interning for 4 hours - Home just in time to watch Pamela Anderson on Big Boss - Sleep'

Why even elaborate on this? As if college isn't mind numbing enough with its lazy group discussions and the typical drawling lecturer accents, throw in drawing up content plans for banks, college canteen panipuri and rigged reality shows to the mix that is an average day in my life. It's interesting and exhausting in equal parts. All I wish for these days is for Sunday to come, when I can enjoy a nice mug of coffee and let my caffeine-immune body enjoy some literature and sleep. 

*You Are So Beautiful My Angle, But Your Brain Like Potato.

(This is what Chinese taxi-drivers have printed on their t-shirts, because in their world of limited English understanding, this makes perfect sense.:D )

So, the trip to Hong Kong and Macao/Macau (How the hell is it spelled?) was amaaaaaazing! When else would I have gone on a gondola ride, seen laser lights dancing on buildings at the harbour front, watched Cirque du Soleil perform live and most importantly, visit Disneeeeeeeyland! (Enough of the unwarranted stretching of words and exclamation marks, but that's the only way I can positively display my excitement.) Hong Kong is one of those urban beautiful places where you imagine your dream office might be located. With exacting standards of cleanliness and civic sense, it is a city Mumbai should take serious lessons from. HOWEVER, and it is a big however, that sickly stench of seafood, including octopus and hairy crabs, pervades the city. And oh my god, the street shopping is insane, with Jimmy Choo fakes being sold for 3000 bucks! (We didn't buy any, what with our morals and all, but irrespective, it is a booming business.) There is SO much that I have observed there in terms of method of communication and the general culture of the place, but that's a whole other ball game/blog post.

P.S. I watched Guzaarish today. That Sanjay Leela Bhansali film every critic in town is calling a cinematic masterpiece that will sweep away all the awards this year. Call me uncultured or intellectually depraved or creatively crippled or whatever the hell you want to, but I disliked it. A lot. Primarily because it all seemed so staged and artificial, from the 17th century mansion right down to Aishwarya Rai's shade of lipstick. It screamed of SLB's pretentiousness and was so self-indulgent in its flow, that it got onto my nerves. Also, I have read so many books that have dealt with euthanasia in such a sophisticated and sensitive manner.Movies like Million Dollar Baby, for example, too put this film to shame. Have you watched it yet? What did you think?

Beautiful Blueberries

Beautiful Blueberries.
These were the last words Christopher McCandless ever wrote in his journal.

If anyone has truly inspired me, it is that young man of 22 who left all his material possessions behind and created a new identity for himself travelling the country and residing in the Alaskan wilderness for 112 days.
Below, is an (actual) haunting snapshot of the journal he maintained, that prompted me to write something here.

 I would have loved to write a book/movie review on "Into The Wild", but I won't. For the simple reason, that it would dilute all that powerful feeling of courage and idealism, into a few words. I don't generally read biographies or autobiographies, because the few times I have, I found them pretentious. (For heaven's sake, Miley Cyrus has her autobiography now!) But I love this book, I love Alexander Supertramp and I love the person who had the good sense to gift it to me. :)

"The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."
— Chris McCandless

But hey, it's my favourite time of the year! Diwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaali!!!! :)

Diyas light up homes, streets and lives. "We wear cool suits, we wear shiny shoes," with much aplomb this time of the year. I can hardly hear the boom and fizzle of fire-crackers this year, so I assume Mumbai is going green. Happy Diwali, all of you. :) Have a blast!

Obama is coming to town tomorrow, and I leave for Hong Kong and Macau with family for a much-awaited holiday.

It always seems to bring that U2 song, "City of Blinding Lights" to mind. I'm finally getting excited. :)

It has been such a beautiful year. I have loved every second of it. It seems I have transformed into a whole new person. From the stammering girl on stage to the shiny bright (somewhat) confident person I am now. I have become more sensitive to people and have become open-minded and accepting to a lot of things around me. While Obama failed to bring much change to his nation in the past year, I have witnessed a sea change in my interaction with people and my thought process.
I have shifted loyalties from coffee to green tea with great ease, for example. :)
It truly has been an amazing year, and I wish for many more to be exactly like this. Not just for me, but for all of you too. :)

P.S. Get your hands on 1984, will you?

Confessions of a Bibliophile

I try and try to accurately recollect it, but I can't. I can venture a guess and probably hit the mark, but that won't be the same as truly knowing.
I want to know what is the first book I ever read.
I'm assuming it was one of those cute little picture books with Cinderella and Peter Pan. But again, I'm not sure.

I was thinking about this when I was up till 3 reading last night. (I was re-re-reading 1984, if you must know.) My sister still finds it incredulous that I read for fun, and that I don't have a perpetual book report assignment! The fact that I can stay up all night reading novels of my interest, but have trouble keeping my eyes open by twelve a.m. the night before my board exam troubles her. It is now common for my father to get up in the middle of the night for water, find my reading light on and me curled up under my blanket with a book.

A large part of me is defined by my love for books, and consequently, for the written word. What started off as being mesmerized by fairy tales and using the word "famished" instead of hungry at age 5, has now turned into something I cannot even sleep without.

There is one lady I would like to blame for this.
Her name is Enid Blyton.
I devoured every single book she served, and every chapter of my childhood has the indelible imprint of a Blyton book. From my innocent little Noddy days to naughty prankster Amelia Jane, from the adventurous Famous Five series to the Oh-I'm-a--grown-up-girl Mallory Towers books.
Although there is no retirement age for Enid Blyton, I switched loyalties by the end of 5th grade to the dark, gloomy, mysterious world of Agatha Christie and Arthur Conan Doyle. Yes, I admit to falling head over heels in love with Sherlock Holmes. And I always found comfort in grandmotherly Miss Marple to solve a small-town murder. Soon enough, I entered the eccentric little world of Roald Dahl and the Big Friendly Giant became my best friend. :)
Then, in 7th grade, my English teacher goaded me to read classics. When I first placed hands on the paperback Jane Eyre, I didn't know what to think. For one thing, it was fat and bulky! And the vocabulary was beyond my comprehension! I had no clue what the words conventionality, self-righteousness, clamored and agonized meant. I sat with a dictionary, underlined words and slowly, I learned.
I discovered that I loved words sometime around then. And it is a discovery that has shaped a huge portion of my 17 years on this lonely planet.

I can write about discovering Sidney Sheldon, Jeffrey Archer, John Grisham, Lee Child, James Patterson and the like. But you get the drift. I really started enjoying books. I used to love going to the school library and picking out these books.

But now, with college and work, I find myself unable to devote as much time to my books. When I return home at 9 p.m., I am too tired to divert my energies towards a McCarthy or Murakami. Numbing televised entertainment is all I can take for an hour before I crash my head into my pillow.

However, I eagerly wait for Friday and Saturday nights for a marathon book read, so I can wake up leisurely over the weekend. On those days, the thrill of written words takes over. I am magically transported to make-believe worlds where I can imagine characters and situations that are NOT conjured by television networks. I trust literature to challenge my perceptions and enrich my intellect. Time flies when I set my mind and eyes on some good writing, and I forget all about an unfinished episode. The pleasant smell of old books as I stand a few inches from my bookshelf, the yellowing old pages of a Jeffrey Archer, the comforting weight of a book in my hands- it all reminds me why reading is the most satisfying and compelling experience.

I think I'll read a Famous Five sometime soon. I just need my Blyton shot. :)